Legacy of Love

     Dear Abby, Anna, Brady, Avery, Nora, Jack, Audrey and William:

     I am addressing this letter to you, not expecting at this point that any of you will be blessed with another brother or sister.  But I didn't think you would mind if I also address it to your children and grandchildren.  I will leave it to you to decide whether what I have to say is worthy of being passed on to generations beyond your precious little ones.

     I want you to really know why I'm writing this letter to you.  The simplest thing for me to do would be to just say I'm doing it because I love you.  And although that's truer than you'll ever know until you have grandchildren of your own, there's more that I need to say.

     First of all, I want you to have some words from my heart to your heart that you can read whenever you want to, especially later in life, when you might just wonder what my opinion would be on some difficult question.  Although I'm thinking you'll pretty much know even before you ask, I'll still look forward to your asking.  

     I also am hoping that because I've written this letter, I'll be much more real to your kids and grandkids.  Not so much for my sake, but for theirs.  I believe that the more they know about their heritage, both from your and your spouse's side of their family tree, the more they'll understand how much they're loved and what God wants to do in and through their lives.

     Many will describe most of what I'll say here as advice....or even preaching.  And, maybe they're right in some respects.  But I'd rather you and your descendants would consider my words a little differently than that.   Most of what I say here will be my attempt to bless you with lessons I've learned from a lifetime's mixture of both pain when I selfishly chose to go my own way,  and blessings when I chose to follow God's way.  Some will be just gentle suggestions on how best to treat those around you.  In some cases, there may not seem to be a particular order to these lessons, and that's because I wrote them in the order they came to my mind.  Maybe they'll be more interesting that way.  So pay attention.  You're about to receive something that I would venture to say many grandchildren, and certainly most great-grandchildren and great-great grandchildren never would dream of receiving.  Of course, that's all in your hands.  

    All you sweet ones, both those living now and those yet to be born.....be blessed.

New Year's weekend 2013

• At some point in your adult life, read the Bible all the way through, underlining your favorite passages, and making notes in the margins. Write the date that you made the note, so that years later you can see what God was saying to you at a specific time.   Do this in a separate Bible for each child you have, planning to give it to them when you die, or earlier if you think that's most appropriate.

• Cultivate the habit of writing notes of thanks to those who have blessed you, even in small ways, and notes of encouragement when your spiritual intuition tells you someone needs it.  

• When you are speaking with someone, look them squarely in the eye and LISTEN, letting them know that for that time, they are the most important person in your world.  While they are speaking, do not be distracted by giving thought to what you will say next.  It's better to stumble a bit on the saying of your words than on the hearing of theirs.

• When you greet someone and the situation calls for a handshake, do so firmly, making direct eye contact.  Do not glance to the side or at your shoes.     
• Give yourself opportunities to enjoy music, poetry, art and drama.  In all of these, if you just give them a chance, you'll find that they can help you express the marrow and beauty of your soul, so that life never becomes mundane or commonplace.   If you find that playing a musical instrument, singing, writing, painting or acting are not strengths you wish to pursue, then at least learn how to enjoy and appreciate them when those who have developed those talents, want to share them with you.   One of my greatest regrets is never learning how to play a musical instrument.  But, oh, how I love to listen to others play !   Take this suggestion seriously, and it will change your life.  

• Purpose to do hard, dirty, sweaty work whenever you can.  We lose something when we consistently avoid work that might bring blisters or callouses.  Don't let all of our modern technology and conveniences completely remove you from the opportunity to be physically tired instead of mentally tired.   

  

• I have a passion for history, especially American history.  I would somehow like to pass that on to my descendants.  If that doesn't happen, it's OK.....really.  But if you're inclined to give up on it altogether, before you do, read at least one biography of a great American.  I would suggest George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Robert E. Lee, Jackie Robinson or Jimmy Stewart.
• Read, and better yet, memorize the Gettysburg Address.  It is a history lesson unto itself.  

• Visit the shores of Acadia National Park in Bar Harbor, Maine.   Your MaMa and I found great solace, beauty and recreation there.  Hike the trails, and don't avoid the difficult ones.  Fall asleep on a large, flat rock,  listening to the waves pound the rocky shore.  We visited there 4 times, in 2001, 2003, 2005, and 2012, a week at a time.  So, we left enough of our spirit there that you may be able to feel it as you hike on Gorham, Sand Beach, Great Head, Ocean, Champlain, Pemetic, and Bubble Rock trails.

•  Visit the Pearl Harbor Memorial on the island of Oahu, Hawaii.  The future of our family was deeply affected by the events there on December 7, 1941.  You'll sense that legacy at its deepest, if you can go there and realize that, although your great-grandfather survived,  there were families that would never be born because so many young men died there that day.   

• I hope some of you will inherit or develop my love of books.   Francis Bacon once said that "Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested..."    I have read my share of each kind, and I intend that many of them will be passed on to you so you may have them to enjoy.  I hesitate to give a list of my favorite books, but I will mention a few that I would love to have you read, because they spoke to me so eloquently that I considered them worthy of reading more than once.

          The Case for Faith........................................................Lee Strobel 

          Celebration of Discipline.................................................Richard J. Foster

          Chronicles of Narnia......................................................C.S. Lewis

              The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

              The Magician's Nephew

              Prince Caspian

              The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

              The Silver Chair

              The Horse and His Boy

              The Last Battle
          Civil War ...................................................................Bruce Catton
              Mr. Lincoln's Army
              Glory Road
              A Stillness at Appomattox

          Disciplines for the Inner Life.............................................Bob Benson, Sr. 

          God Came Near............................................................Max Lucado    

          Heroes and Monsters......................................................Josh Riebock 

          Huckleberry Finn...........................................................Mark Twain

          Iwo Jima....................................................................Bill D. Ross

          Lord of the Rings..........................................................J.R.R.Tolkein

             Fellowship of the Ring

             Two Towers

             Return of the King

          Prayer......................................................................Richard J. Foster

          The Reason for God......................................................Timothy Keller

          Seabiscuit.................................................................Laura Hillenbrand

          A Severe Mercy...........................................................Sheldon Vanauken

          Shane......................................................................Jack Schaefer

          Team of Rivals............................................................Doris K. Goodwin

          Things Unseen............................................................Mark Buchanan

          Unbroken...................................................................Laura Hillenbrand

          Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering........................Timothy Keller

          Worst Hard Time..........................................................Timothy Egan

Labor Day Weekend, 2013

         

• Once you have given complete control of your life to God, and trust in Christ from that point by obeying what He asks you to do in His Word,  you still will not be perfect.  In spite of your best efforts, you will sin.  But your accepting Christ's blood and His grace protects you from the Eternal consequences of that sin, as long as you are in a condition of repentance and asking for forgiveness.  Learn for yourself what God's Word says about justification and sanctification.  There is nothing you can do with your own efforts to earn salvation.  Even with grace and mercy, however, there are earthly consequences for most sins.  For example, in 2 Samuel, we're told of David's adultery with Uriah's wife, Bathsheba, and her subsequent pregnancy.   Then when his cover-up plan fails, David has Uriah killed and marries Bathsheba.   After David and Bathsheba both suffer an extended period of spiritual anguish, the prophet, Nathan, confronts David with his sin.  David finally confesses and repents, and is forgiven by God.  But Nathan tells David that his and Bathsheba's young son will die.  In spite of David's pleading with God, the young boy does indeed die.  And that wouldn't be the end of the effects of David's sin.   Nathan predicts to him that "the sword will never depart from your house..." and there was much family heartache ahead for David.  Was David forgiven ?  Yes. Did he still suffer consequences ?  Most definitely.

•  Memorize scripture.  I'll say that again.  Memorize scripture.  Choose passages that are particularly meaningful for you.  Once you have memorized them, they are yours.  If you find yourself somewhere without a Bible, precious parts of God's Word have still gone with you.  Even if you have ready access to a Bible, there is something about being able to lie in a dark, lampless room and say David's words, "The Lord is my shepherd......".  Or to sit in a doctor's waiting room and say Jesus' words, "Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God; trust also in me...."  Or, being in great need of forgiveness, draw David's words from the reservoir of your heart,  "Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.  Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin."    I think you'll find, once you've done this, that it will be one of those sweet journeys you wish you had begun much sooner.   

•  If you live long enough, you will inevitably be hurt.  You may even say that you have been hurt so badly that you will never be the same.  But the sooner you accept God's help in letting go of that hurt, the sooner you will have the peace that God desires for you.  You can choose to hold on to it for 50 years or more, but that isn't really what you want.  Let go of it---the sooner the better.  Believe me.   It really is true that holding on to bitterness hurts you more than the person who wronged you.  Very few have the courage and wisdom to let go.  I want you to be different and bravely and wisely let go.  We can talk about it in Heaven, and you can let me know if I was right.

• Don't assume that those who are 20 or more years older than you do not understand you.  We were teenagers once, we fell in love, we wanted our independence before we were really ready for it.   We were materialistic and cared too much about how we looked and what others thought of us.   I just attended my 50th High School Reunion about 10 days ago, and I can tell you that many of us talked about having an unnecessary preoccupation with our appearance and our popularity when we were 14-18 years old.  And it didn't take us 50 years to figure that out.  I hope that might help you be more at peace with yourself through those adolescent years.  We also struggled with doubts about why God allows certain things to happen.  All the things you struggle with.

 Do not wish for a time in your life to go by quickly so that you can get to another time in your life.            

      You will get there soon enough without wishing it.

          Wanting your Driver's license....

          Wanting High School to be over......

          Wanting College to be over.............

          Wanting your kids to start school....

          Wanting your nest to be empty.......

          Wanting to retire.............................  

           

          As you can see, later,  when the hour-glass is turned over for the last time, you might be wishing you could go back the other way in a time capsule.

•  Never give in to the temptation of cheating.  Whatever it is you gain at the time is not worth the self-respect that you lose.  

•  Even if others consider it out of style, be polite and courteous.   If you are, you will set yourself apart as one who respects and values others, and that is never out of style.  Sincere manners and courtesy is a mark that you know you are special to God, and that you take seriously His desire that you consider others' interests more important than your own.   Even strangers will be impacted by your acts of kindness, and silently wish that more folks like you were a part of their world.

•  Work just as hard when the boss isn't looking, as when he is.  Let your cup overflow with integrity.

•  As much as you can, in spite of technology, try to keep alive the art of handwritten notes and letters.  Put dates on them, for the benefit of those who will read them maybe years later.  

•  Earn your living, preferably, by doing something you enjoy.  Invest your life in bringing those within your influence closer to Christ.

•  Give at least 10% of your income to God.   That may not seem so important early in your adult life, but at the age of 75,  you'll be glad you started giving faithfully at the age of 20-25, then continued every year after that. 

•  Make sure you keep alive your family's stories---including the silly and funny ones.  They'll remind you of where you've been and how much fun it was getting there. 

  

• There is nothing in this world that is worth so much that you would trade Eternal life for it.  Satan will try to convince you otherwise, but don't believe it for a second !!   

• Appreciate and enjoy the change of seasons.  You may be privileged to see 90+ of each season and that may seem like a high number.  But it's really not.       

   

•  At least once a month, gaze at the stars on a clear night.   It will be a reminder of just how significant you are.  For the Creator of the stars sent His Son to die for you.    

•  I believe that somehow, the loving God we believe in will bring us all together in Heaven.  All that is Biblical and Holy, leaves no room for me to believe anything else.   So let's look forward to it, and let that belief we have,  that Christ's death made possible, help us through any doubt or trial that comes our way.  When my Dad passed away from the effects of ALS on August 24, 1998, his gemstone verse in his last days was Romans 8:37-39:

    No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am 

convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be

able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

• Consider opportunities to do kindnesses for those who can do nothing for you in return, and for which you will not be praised or credited.  Sometimes, only God should know.  That has a way of clarifying your motives.  

• Take care of the older people who are within your reach.   It is an uncommon,  but Godly trait for the younger generation to respect those in their golden years, and not ignore or disdain them because they are slow or feeble, or seem to be out of touch with your interests.  If you do not do this, it may be a great regret for you later in life, when you finally realize your mistake.....after they're gone.

•  Hold babies as often as you can.   Each one is a miracle, and they will remind you of the joy spread by your own infancy.  

•  Return to your school or university and thank those teachers who impacted you.  Do it before it's too late.   By the time I decided to thank some of my high school teachers, I learned that they were gone.

  

•  Those who would vocally entice you to do wrong will silently admire and respect you for taking a stand against them.  After that, they may even want to be a part of your world.  I remember being told this when I was a teenager, and I didn't believe it for awhile.  But it wasn't long after that, that I realized how true it was.   It....is.....true.

•   Be ready to seize moments of opportunity with boldness, when your spirit judges that is the only thing lacking.   That boldness can literally change your life.  The first time I saw MaMa, I had no idea who she was.  I uncharacteristically and boldly introduced myself to her toward the end of a Teens for Christ Convention in April of 1964.  A little over 3 years later, we were married.  If I had just stolen a glance at one of the prettiest girls I'd ever seen, then shyly walked away, as I was accustomed to doing at that time in my life,  I think I'm safe in saying that our family in its present form probably wouldn't have existed. (If anyone wants to thank me, you have my number.)

• Don't be surprised if, over time, I add to all of this.  But now I have at least given you enough challenges and insights that you,  and your children, and your children's children will know how much your MaMa and PaPa love all of you.  

• In closing, I have a small request to make.  There are a few traditions that developed,  as you 8 grandchildren were growing up.   With a couple of these, I probably embarrassed you by continuing them  after you had gotten way too old for them (wink, wink), but I'd like for you to consider passing these on to your kids and grandkids.

When you would give me a kiss on the cheek and I would say "Whooooooo doggies !!"  

When we would throw several air kisses to each other like we were throwing a ball, catch them and put them in our pockets so we could get them out "later."  This was usually when we knew we weren't going to see each other for awhile.

When I would hold both hands up in the air, and ask you "Which one's gonna getcha ?"  

 Sometimes, I would let you guess correctly, sometimes not.  But either way, I would tickle

 you, and you would say, "Do it again, Papa !"

After making a video of still photographs with background music to help Abby celebrate her 4th Birthday,  I did the same for each of you as you turned 4.   The last one will be for William,  when he turns 4 next January 24.  Since it is so time-consuming, I realize that may be a difficult tradition to continue, but hey, I thought you might give it a try.

The last one is an "action" exercise that I made up not that many years ago, so it's only the 

younger of you who have learned it.  First, we point to our eye and say "I".  Then we give ourselves a hug and say "Love".  Then we pause for a couple of seconds and point to the other person and loudly say "You !!!!!"  

           I mean, is being in our family fun, or what !!!!!!!